Leaving My Footprint on the World

I was reminded of two things last night: one, that there are people out there actually reading this thing (thanks!), and two, that writing this blog is really something that belongs on my bucket list. As it was pointed out to me that I really hang myself out here, I realized that all this time I've been pouring my heart out, opening up, and letting people get to know me -- something that I have always had a hard time doing "in real life".

Interestingly, it made me want to write here more.

I've always been reluctant to open up and talk about myself. It's the over-thinking thing again. Why would they care what I have to say? What if they think what I think is stupid? What if they don't like me? In the past, it's led me to gravitate toward people who were far more interested in what they themselves had to say, which made it easy for me to retreat even more inside myself. I fooled myself into thinking that I'm "a really good listener" -- but that alone doesn't necessarily equate to being a good friend. In situations with new people, I think my reticence more often than not gives the wrong impression -- that I'm not interested in being friends, or worse, that I'm a stuck up b---- (you fill in the blank).

Even worse, it makes me forgettable. I've been painfully reminded of this fact more than once, when a friend of mine gushed about how happy she was that no one remembered who I was -- so she was able to snap me up in the softball draft. (I've been in the league for five years.) There was a time when "flying under the radar" like that seemed like a good thing; no more. I want to be remembered. I'll never leave a footprint on the world if I tiptoe through life.

I've met more people in recent years who ask me questions, who really seem to want to know what I think, who reach out constantly to invite me to things -- I really appreciate it, and I think that it has helped me to get to where I am now. But they shouldn't have to do all of the work. It's time I take the reins a bit, share without being pushed to.

This blog is a start. The next step is to take what I'm doing and learning here, and apply it in the real world. Consider it added to the bucket list.