As the River Edge Women's Softball League season comes to a close -- and is pretty much over for me, as my team, the Redrum, lost to the Cougars in the playoffs this week -- I am reminded of something I need to add to my list of fears to overcome.
I am afraid to slide. As an avid softball player, with years of experience under my belt, I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I have never slid into a base. Never. Not ever. To cut myself some slack here, the truth is I've never been taught. I don't know how. But, admittedly, I haven't actually made an effort to learn. Sliding requires complete commitment, a gung-ho, just-go-for-it-and-stop-thinking-so-much attitude. It's about trusting your instinct. Which, as we all can gather, goes completely against my hesitating nature -- and it's why I'm afraid of it. It falls under the "fear of looking like a complete moron" AND the "fear of getting hurt" bucket list categories -- a double-whammy.
So, you're all my witnesses. I am laying down the gauntlet: by hook or by crook, I will finally slide.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Moussaka for the Masses
I've been on staycation this week, and seeing as I have so much time on my hands, I've been able to feed my foodie side...at least a little bit.
On a recent trip to Stop & Shop, I couldn't resist the special little rolling cart in the produce department piled high with pre-packaged, buy-me-today-please-or-I'll-go-bad-tomorrow deals. I snagged a package with a nice, fat eggplant and a little, skinny zucchini for a buck and change. SCORE!
When I got the suckers home, I scratched my head wondering what I was going to do with them -- and fast. Maybe a pasta dish? Some baba ghanoush? Some kind of funky eggplant bread? Taking stock of what I had in the fridge, I found some defrosted lean ground beef. Okay, another piece to the puzzle.
So I plugged the words eggplant, zucchini, and ground beef into Google, and it came back to me with the overwhelming response of -- moussaka. Of course! Dave and I had seen Guy Fieri chowing down on the stuff on an episode of "Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives" (love, love, love this show), and I've been dying to try it ever since.
For those who don't know what moussaka is, it's kind of like a Greek lasagna -- without the noodles. And with loads of creamy white sauce. Not the most figure-friendly meal (that bechamel sauce is a killer, but it makes the dish) -- but hey, everyone's got to splurge now and then. I tried my best to at least cut the fat from the recipe, and it came out really good; I'll give both the higher- and lesser-fat options, and you can choose.
Eggplant & Zucchini Moussaka
1 large eggplant (or 2-3 small)
1-2 small zucchinis
1 pound lean ground beef
salt to taste
black pepper to taste
2 onions, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced (I cheated and used 1/4 tsp of the jarred stuff)
3/4 tsp garam masala* (if you don't have garam masala, use 1/4 tsp each of cinnamon and nutmeg)
1 tsp Italian seasoning
1 (8oz) can tomato sauce
1/2 cup red wine
1 egg, beaten
For the sauce:
4 cups milk (I used soy milk; lowfat or skim milk would also work)
1/2 cup butter (try the Smart Balance Butter Blend Sticks to cut the fat content)
6 tbsp flour (I used Trader Joe's 100% White Whole Wheat)
salt to taste
black pepper, to taste
1-1/2 cups grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 tsp garam masala (or nutmeg, your choice)
1. Cut the ends off the eggplant and zucchini (skins on), and slice lengthwise (1/4-1/2 inch thick for eggplant, 1/4 inch thick for zucchini). Place in single layer on a baking sheet, spray with canola (or olive oil) spray, and brown under the broiler, about 10-15 minutes.
2. In a large skillet over medium heat, brown the ground beef with the salt, pepper, onions, and garlic. Once meat is brown, add garam masala and Italian seasoning. Pour in tomato sauce and wine, and mix well. Simmer for 20 minutes. Allow to cool, then stir in beaten egg.
3. Make the bechamel sauce. Heat milk (you could heat it in a pot on the stove, but I microwaved it for a couple of minutes in the glass measuring bowl to save on cleanup). Melt butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat; whisk in flour until smooth. Lower heat, and gradually pour in the milk, whisking constantly until it thickens. (IMPORTANT: Do not let the flour mixture cook too much before adding the milk; the longer it cooks, the browner and "nuttier" it gets, and no longer will be a "white" sauce.) Season with salt and pepper.
4. Arrange a layer of half the eggplant and zucchini in a greased 9x13 inch baking dish. Cover with all of the meat mixture, and then sprinkle 1/2 cup of Parmesan cheese over the meat. Cover with the remaining eggplant and zucchini, sprinkle another 1/2 cup of cheese on top. Pour the bechamel sauce over the top, sprinkle with garam masala (or nutmeg) and the remaining cheese.
5. Bake for 1 hour at 350 degrees.
* A note on garam masala. I discovered this blend of spices about six years ago, when I had to hunt it down for a recipe for Moroccan Lentil Soup (another awesome recipe; I make it all the time in the fall/winter). While it's generally an Indian/South Asian ingredient (consisting of, at a minimum, cumin, cloves, coriander, black pepper, ginger, cinnamon, cardamom, and sometimes nutmeg), its flavor lends a nice twist to Mediterranean cooking. At the time, I lived in Queens and was able to find a huge container of it at my local Associated grocery store. You may need to check a specialty foods or higher-end grocery store if you don't live in one of the five boroughs. Or, you could try an online store like Penzeys (excellent quality, though a bit pricey) or The Spice House (they also have some locations in the Midwest; I love the Chicago store!).
In the case of this recipe, since cinnamon and nutmeg are generally the big spice players in moussaka, I decided to try the garam masala. I'm not a huge fan of nutmeg, but its flavor mellows out among the others in the blend. I highly recommend trying it!
On a recent trip to Stop & Shop, I couldn't resist the special little rolling cart in the produce department piled high with pre-packaged, buy-me-today-please-or-I'll-go-bad-tomorrow deals. I snagged a package with a nice, fat eggplant and a little, skinny zucchini for a buck and change. SCORE!
When I got the suckers home, I scratched my head wondering what I was going to do with them -- and fast. Maybe a pasta dish? Some baba ghanoush? Some kind of funky eggplant bread? Taking stock of what I had in the fridge, I found some defrosted lean ground beef. Okay, another piece to the puzzle.
So I plugged the words eggplant, zucchini, and ground beef into Google, and it came back to me with the overwhelming response of -- moussaka. Of course! Dave and I had seen Guy Fieri chowing down on the stuff on an episode of "Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives" (love, love, love this show), and I've been dying to try it ever since.
For those who don't know what moussaka is, it's kind of like a Greek lasagna -- without the noodles. And with loads of creamy white sauce. Not the most figure-friendly meal (that bechamel sauce is a killer, but it makes the dish) -- but hey, everyone's got to splurge now and then. I tried my best to at least cut the fat from the recipe, and it came out really good; I'll give both the higher- and lesser-fat options, and you can choose.
Eggplant & Zucchini Moussaka
1 large eggplant (or 2-3 small)
1-2 small zucchinis
1 pound lean ground beef
salt to taste
black pepper to taste
2 onions, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced (I cheated and used 1/4 tsp of the jarred stuff)
3/4 tsp garam masala* (if you don't have garam masala, use 1/4 tsp each of cinnamon and nutmeg)
1 tsp Italian seasoning
1 (8oz) can tomato sauce
1/2 cup red wine
1 egg, beaten
For the sauce:
4 cups milk (I used soy milk; lowfat or skim milk would also work)
1/2 cup butter (try the Smart Balance Butter Blend Sticks to cut the fat content)
6 tbsp flour (I used Trader Joe's 100% White Whole Wheat)
salt to taste
black pepper, to taste
1-1/2 cups grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 tsp garam masala (or nutmeg, your choice)
1. Cut the ends off the eggplant and zucchini (skins on), and slice lengthwise (1/4-1/2 inch thick for eggplant, 1/4 inch thick for zucchini). Place in single layer on a baking sheet, spray with canola (or olive oil) spray, and brown under the broiler, about 10-15 minutes.
2. In a large skillet over medium heat, brown the ground beef with the salt, pepper, onions, and garlic. Once meat is brown, add garam masala and Italian seasoning. Pour in tomato sauce and wine, and mix well. Simmer for 20 minutes. Allow to cool, then stir in beaten egg.
3. Make the bechamel sauce. Heat milk (you could heat it in a pot on the stove, but I microwaved it for a couple of minutes in the glass measuring bowl to save on cleanup). Melt butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat; whisk in flour until smooth. Lower heat, and gradually pour in the milk, whisking constantly until it thickens. (IMPORTANT: Do not let the flour mixture cook too much before adding the milk; the longer it cooks, the browner and "nuttier" it gets, and no longer will be a "white" sauce.) Season with salt and pepper.
4. Arrange a layer of half the eggplant and zucchini in a greased 9x13 inch baking dish. Cover with all of the meat mixture, and then sprinkle 1/2 cup of Parmesan cheese over the meat. Cover with the remaining eggplant and zucchini, sprinkle another 1/2 cup of cheese on top. Pour the bechamel sauce over the top, sprinkle with garam masala (or nutmeg) and the remaining cheese.
5. Bake for 1 hour at 350 degrees.
* A note on garam masala. I discovered this blend of spices about six years ago, when I had to hunt it down for a recipe for Moroccan Lentil Soup (another awesome recipe; I make it all the time in the fall/winter). While it's generally an Indian/South Asian ingredient (consisting of, at a minimum, cumin, cloves, coriander, black pepper, ginger, cinnamon, cardamom, and sometimes nutmeg), its flavor lends a nice twist to Mediterranean cooking. At the time, I lived in Queens and was able to find a huge container of it at my local Associated grocery store. You may need to check a specialty foods or higher-end grocery store if you don't live in one of the five boroughs. Or, you could try an online store like Penzeys (excellent quality, though a bit pricey) or The Spice House (they also have some locations in the Midwest; I love the Chicago store!).
In the case of this recipe, since cinnamon and nutmeg are generally the big spice players in moussaka, I decided to try the garam masala. I'm not a huge fan of nutmeg, but its flavor mellows out among the others in the blend. I highly recommend trying it!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Taking the Leap of Faith...in Myself
When I first started dating my husband, Dave, we talked a lot about our dreams, shared our philosophies on life, and laid out our goals -- all, of course, in the span of about three weeks' time as part of the intricate courtship dance, to see how and if these two lives will somehow, someday fit together. At the time -- especially being only three weeks in -- the concept of marriage, and family, was a little frightening to talk about. We called it "starting a bobsled team". One thing Dave said, one of the many "truisms" (he made a list) that has always held true (go Dave!), was this: Your worries keep you honest; your fears hold you back.
That was nearly twelve years ago.
Recently, I was reminded of this adage and have not been able to let it go. During a long-overdue visit with my best friend (hi, Katie! We still need to schedule in that weekly call we promised, what, six weeks ago?), as we were catching up on life while jumping from jacuzzi to pool and back again, she made a very astute observation.
"See how you are inching your way into the pool? Me, I just jump in. You hesitate. That's the difference between us."
She is so right. And that halting, inch-by-inch progression to full submersion in that pool? The story of my life. That's my fear, holding me back.
I'm miserable in my job. I have ideas for at least half a dozen businesses that I have yet to start. I have dreams, I know I do -- remember back when Dave and I were dating? We talked about them all the time. At least, thank goodness, we finally started that bobsled team!
True to my character, it has taken me six weeks of hemming and hawing, negotiating, and thinking about it to finally do -- not decide to do, but do -- something about it.
Earlier this week, I started writing my first novel. (This does not count the popular seventh-grade serial The Strange Things That Happened in Room 101, or 2050: Seascape, the self-proclaimed cult hit in tenth.) This step is a long time coming; I've wanted to write ever since that Room 101 journaling adventure in Mr. Griffith's seventh grade English class. But something has always stopped me. I now know what that something has always been: fear. The burning question is, fear of what?
The list is endless. There's the fear of criticism, which is inevitable in writing. Your work is criticized first by someone (or more) who you have to trust to give you that outside perspective as you're writing; then by agents, publishers and editors as you try to get your hard work recognized and published; then (if you're lucky) by book critics and the general public. Then there are the unknowns. What if I do this and find out that I suck at it? What if I do this and find out that I hate it? What if I get writer's block? What if I have to speak in front of a large audience? What if? What if? What if???? It's exhausting.
If some of this is a little repetitive, forgive me; I know I've blogged about it before. Which is all the more reason why I had to get off my duff and do something about it.
I'm 1,117 words in; only about 99,000 more to go.
Now that the novel is underway -- a BIG step one -- I'm starting to think about other things I'm afraid of, where my fear could be holding me back. I'm not talking about things that have major danger or death factors, like skydiving or bungee-jumping, or running with the bulls. No way in hell anyone's getting me to do any of those, so I'm not going to set myself up for failure. I'm talking about the things that, basically, my EGO is afraid of. Like, singing in public (not as part of a large group and definitely not because I'm drunk). Or, telling someone that they were right and I was wrong. Or, starting one of those businesses.
Step two is listing all of these things -- large and small. Step three will be to check them all off, one by one. Call it my bucket list, if you will. I call it my path to a better life.
What are your fears? What dreams do or did you have that you have yet to realize? What is holding you back? I encourage everyone to join me, make a list of your own. Feel free to share -- and don't be afraid, I won't bite!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Are You There, Blog? It's Me, Stephanie.
Dear Blog,
It has been quite some time since I last wrote, and I am certain you must feel somewhat neglected. I wouldn't blame you in the least if you didn't want to hear from me ever again.
I have no excuse for leaving you the way I did, so suddenly and without so much as a goodbye. One day, I wasn't there anymore.
For me, it wasn't so sudden. The term "falling off the wagon" isn't entirely accurate. That makes it sound so simple, and there's so much more to it than that. Your foot slips off at first, then you notice your shoelace is untied, and while you're leaning over to tie your shoelace the wagon hits a bump and knocks you off the seat and you grab onto the wagon cover as you try to get your footing, but then the canvas starts to tear and you go with it, flying off the back of the wagon and hanging onto the shredded material as you're dragged behind until you can't hang on any longer, and you're left there on the ground covered in dust and road rash and hugging a tumbleweed, watching the wagon drive off in the distance. And all you want is a Big Mac, fries and an ice cream sundae.
Long story short, I fell off the wagon. (Oh, wait...now I get it...) I can say that I learned some interesting and important things about myself in the process. First, I am a stress eater. Second, I am an emotional eater. Third -- put the two together and get out of the way, because if you don't I'm going to run you over on my way to the nearest Dairy Queen.
So Blog, you can probably deduce from this that things have been a bit stressful for me lately. I know I should have talked to you about it instead of running away, and I hope you can forgive me and give me a chance to make it up to you.
I am both lucky and amazed that despite the fact that I've been splurging quite a lot over the last few months, I have come through with my initial weight loss success intact. I can't say the same for my ego, which is more than a little bruised from the fall but should make a full recovery in time.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry for being away for so long -- and I promise that I will try to be better about writing and keeping you in the loop about what's going on. I'm also going to remember that I'm only human, and that I don't have to be perfect -- like everyone else, I'm going to get through each day and make the most of what I've got in this life. Along those lines, I'm working on a little bit of a different, and less perfectionist, relationship with food.
Anyway Blog, I hope this clears things up at least a little bit. And that we can be friends again. Maybe we can share an ice cream sundae one of these days.
Love,
Stephanie
It has been quite some time since I last wrote, and I am certain you must feel somewhat neglected. I wouldn't blame you in the least if you didn't want to hear from me ever again.
I have no excuse for leaving you the way I did, so suddenly and without so much as a goodbye. One day, I wasn't there anymore.
For me, it wasn't so sudden. The term "falling off the wagon" isn't entirely accurate. That makes it sound so simple, and there's so much more to it than that. Your foot slips off at first, then you notice your shoelace is untied, and while you're leaning over to tie your shoelace the wagon hits a bump and knocks you off the seat and you grab onto the wagon cover as you try to get your footing, but then the canvas starts to tear and you go with it, flying off the back of the wagon and hanging onto the shredded material as you're dragged behind until you can't hang on any longer, and you're left there on the ground covered in dust and road rash and hugging a tumbleweed, watching the wagon drive off in the distance. And all you want is a Big Mac, fries and an ice cream sundae.
Long story short, I fell off the wagon. (Oh, wait...now I get it...) I can say that I learned some interesting and important things about myself in the process. First, I am a stress eater. Second, I am an emotional eater. Third -- put the two together and get out of the way, because if you don't I'm going to run you over on my way to the nearest Dairy Queen.
So Blog, you can probably deduce from this that things have been a bit stressful for me lately. I know I should have talked to you about it instead of running away, and I hope you can forgive me and give me a chance to make it up to you.
I am both lucky and amazed that despite the fact that I've been splurging quite a lot over the last few months, I have come through with my initial weight loss success intact. I can't say the same for my ego, which is more than a little bruised from the fall but should make a full recovery in time.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry for being away for so long -- and I promise that I will try to be better about writing and keeping you in the loop about what's going on. I'm also going to remember that I'm only human, and that I don't have to be perfect -- like everyone else, I'm going to get through each day and make the most of what I've got in this life. Along those lines, I'm working on a little bit of a different, and less perfectionist, relationship with food.
Anyway Blog, I hope this clears things up at least a little bit. And that we can be friends again. Maybe we can share an ice cream sundae one of these days.
Love,
Stephanie
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